I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
