you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Let's paint friendship bongs
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
