Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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