P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
