So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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