i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
