Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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