I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
