my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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