Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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