Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
