If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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