Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
