The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
