Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
