it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
