im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She bit a glass in half.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
