So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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