If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
