My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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