tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
