I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
