Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
