you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
