Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize