If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I look better un-naked...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
