the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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