hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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