Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
