i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
