FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My vagina is officially offended.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
