can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize