I'm eating all of the evidence.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
