would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
