It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
