so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
