She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
