You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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