when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
