i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
