3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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