Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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