I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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