Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
