Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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