Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
