you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
