I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
