the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
