Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my phone needs a breathalizer
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
