I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
