if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So much rum. So many feels.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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