you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
