He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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