After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
