rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
