hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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