New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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