I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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