I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
