my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
