Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
