You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
