Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
