if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
