and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
