her facebook's as public as her vagina
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
