She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
