im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
